so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
