Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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