I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
