i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Let's get the cat blown out
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
