we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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