I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
