Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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