I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
