I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
