I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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