Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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