Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis