You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I met the friendliest cop last night
Redeem this text for a blowjob
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs