lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
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