You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
