and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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