i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
