Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
