you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
