I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
