billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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