Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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