Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
