omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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