She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
