So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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