My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
