my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
