The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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