Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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