when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
