Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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