David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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