I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
