Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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