i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
