When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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