evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
