He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
