we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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