I cannot find my penis.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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