when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
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He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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