I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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