i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
