so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
