He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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