My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
