I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
