Someone shit on the floor
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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