Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
