hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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