The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
