I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
