I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
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