Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
