dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
