To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
