I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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