capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
