Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize