Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
