A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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