i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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