so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
