and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
