Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
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the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
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So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.