You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself