I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
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im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
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Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.