He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.