could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am spending my child support on dildos
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
