can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
