atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
