you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
