Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
