i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
