wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
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don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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