Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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