Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
