***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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