At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
