What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
