I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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