So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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